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Thread: Official Joke Thread - One a day

  1. #1
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    Official Joke Thread - One a day

    This is what I hope to be the "Official Joke Thread!"

    How about some Clean Jokes to help us smile in the nutty world we live in.



    First joke: What does the little computer call it's dad?





    Data
    Why did God make me so sexy?

  2. #2
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    Horse walks into a bar.

    Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

  3. #3
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    A priest, a rabbi, and a minister all walk into a bar....

    You'd think one of them would have seen it.

  4. #4
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    OK, this is a good joke. Pretty high brow to. It's set in ancient Greece. But it's a long story and you can't really expect me to type it all out in one setting so I'll have to break it up.

    It seems that Greece was in the middle of a devastating drought and so the Athenians took it upon themselves to consult an oracle and see what could be done. The oracle did all the oracle things and came back with an answer. The drought would end when the Athenians captured one of the sacred seagulls known to inhabit certain areas of Greece, took it to the temple of Poseidon (which was, by the way some distance from Athens and located - not surprisingly - by the sea). At the temple of Poseidon, they would find a pod of porpoise-like creatures whom the gods had favored and on whom they bestowed endless life. Once the gulls had been offered in sacrifice to these creatures, the drought would end.

    But that's all the typing I can take for this evening, I'll try to get back to the joke tomorrow.

  5. #5
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    If you don't know what the frak to do start having more fun!

  6. #6
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    E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS


    Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

    Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

    Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it.

    Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

    Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

    Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS.

    Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

    Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work.

    Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose.

    When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

    And, the Golden Rule of email:
    That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.
    Why did God make me so sexy?

  7. #7
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    The husband had just finished reading a new book: ‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN Of
    YOUR HOUSE.’

    He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing
    a finger in her face, he said sternly, “From now on, YOU need to know
    that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me
    a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will
    serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are
    going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the sex that I want.
    After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will
    wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will
    massage my feet and hands. Then after that’s done, guess who’s going to
    dress me and comb my hair?”

    His wife replied, “The freaking funeral director would be my guess.”

  8. #8
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    A Carrot and his best friend the Tomato are crossing the street when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a car come screeching out of control and SMACKS straight into Tomato. Carrot freaks out, running around, yelling "Quick, call an ambulance!". The ambulance comes, sirens whirring. The paramedics jump out, load Tomato into the ambulance, Carrot jumps in behind them, and they rush off to the hospital.

    Carrot is sitting in the waiting room for hours, when finally the doctor walks in with a grim look on his face.

    "Doctor, doctor!" Carrot cries, "Please, you have to tell me... will my best friend be ok?"

    "Well," the doctor replies, "I have some good news, and some bad news. The good news is, your friend is going to live."

    "Oh thank God!" Carrot exclaims. "What's the bad news?"

    "I'm sorry to have to tell you this..." the doctor answers slowly, "but I'm afraid he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

    Ba-dump-bump.

    -Michael
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    Skitz is very clear about what behaviour caused him to start this site up. His ego is way too big and fully engaged - rmccarley

    It was just too much text. I couldn't read it. - rmccarley

    I'm not a prosecutor, but Dave thinks I should play one on T.V.

  9. #9
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    A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver’s door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

    After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.”

    “How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

    The cop replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing?

    It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!”

    “OH, MY GOD!” screamed the lawyer.

    “MY ROLEX!”

  10. #10
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    What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

    Damn...

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